Pursuing Happiness Read online

  Matt asked, “Do you have a car?”

  “No. I did in Atlanta, but it was old and not worth bringing up here. I may get one eventually, but for now I’m doing alright between public transportation and Lyft.”

  “That’s how I get around when it’s too far or too miserable outside to walk. The nice thing about walking is that you notice little places you’d never find otherwise. I go to this used bookstore all the time that I found one day when I took a different way home because of construction.”

  This launched them into a discussion of books that lasted until they got to the restaurant. Matt’s taste in books varied more than Collin’s. They were in firm agreement that Dickens was wildly overrated, Hemingway was depressing, and the short story ought to continue its comeback.

  It did not escape Collin’s notice that Matt was more at ease when he relaxed into a conversation and considerably more nervous when it came to the formalities of the date. As they perused the menu Matt asked, “Can I ask how old you are?”

  It was odd timing but not an unreasonable question. “Twenty-nine. You?”

  “Twenty-four next month.”

  He’d figured he had a few years on Matt and wasn’t remotely concerned about it. Apparently, neither was Matt, because he went back to the menu.

  Matt ordered vegetable korma. Once their waitress left Collin asked, “Are you a vegetarian?”

  “No. I eat a lot of vegetarian meals, though, because I don’t believe in eating meat unless the animals were humanely raised.”

  “And in restaurants you never know.”

  “Exactly. At home I eat a little meat and a fair amount of free-range eggs.”

  “That’s admirable.” Collin appreciated people who put their money where their mouth was, so to speak. “So how do you know you’re getting humanely raised animal products?”

  “I buy from the farmers at Reading Terminal Market, mostly.”

  “I always come out of there with donuts.” And very often fudge like he’d brought his date. Reading Terminal Market could be dangerous for those with a sweet tooth, a group to which Collin definitely belonged.

  “I’d love to say I can resist the temptation, but that would be a lie.”

  “If we resisted temptation all of the time, life would be pretty dull, don’t you think?” Collin made this comment in a flirtatious but not overtly sexual tone so as not to freak Matt out.

  It worked. “I guess you have a point,” conceded Matt.

  “It’s admirable how you eat, anyway. Most of us will hear about factory farms, say they suck, and go right on buying the same things we always did because it’s cheaper and easier.”

  “It is,” Matt agreed. “I think eating ethically is worth the effort, even if it means I don’t eat much meat.”

  In that vein Collin had a feeling that getting to know Matt, while perhaps not the easiest, was definitely going to be worth the effort. Therefore, at the end of a highly enjoyable evening, when his date was once again radiating nerves, he thought it best to restrain himself to a single gentlemanly kiss goodnight.

  In front of Matt’s door, Collin stepped quite close. “I had a great time,” he said.

  Matt’s cheeks flushed slightly and he blinked three times in succession. “Me too.”

  “So, maybe we can do this again?” He really wanted to. Matt was a special soul, and underneath the shyness, he was a hell of a fun date.

  “I’d like that.”

  “Makes two of us, then.” Collin smiled, then slowly leaned into kissing position. Matt didn’t exactly make it easier, but he wasn’t moving away, either. He gave the impression of a man who didn’t quite know what to do with himself.

  Collin had never minded taking initiative, not least when it came to such enjoyable activities as kissing.

  When he pressed his lips in for a brief moment, Matt returned the gesture. Afterwards he favored Collin with a smile and stood there for a moment until he remembered that his apartment door wasn’t going to open itself.

  “Goodnight, Collin.”

  “Night Matt.”

  He unlocked his own place, grinning to himself. Good things came to those who waited, and he was reasonably certain that Matt Aldridge was worth waiting for.

  People rarely knocked on Collin’s door at an opportune moment and this time was no exception. He set aside the plate he was washing, yanked off his rubber gloves, and dried his hands before rushing over just in time for the second knock.

  “Hi,” said Matt. “Is this a bad time?”

  “No, it’s okay. I was just washing some dishes.” Maybe not the best timing, but Collin wasn’t going to complain about Matt stopping by.

  Matt managed a second of eye contact before addressing Collin’s lips. “I thought we could get ice cream. If you want.”

  That wasn’t in question. “Absolutely. One moment.” He grabbed his wallet, keys, and phone off the bookshelf where he kept them, right by the door. “I’m all set.”

  “My favorite place is seven blocks away.”

  “Lead the way.” It was a lovely evening for a walk and for ice cream. Besides, further away meant more time together. After a moment Collin ventured, “You said that you volunteer at an animal shelter on Sundays.”

  “Yes. I was there this morning.”

  “What do you do?”

  “Whatever they need me to, really. I spent a while today working on this one poor cat. Handsome longhair cat who’d been horribly neglected, to the point where he had mats all throughout his coat. His stomach was just a mass of matted fur.”

  “That couldn’t be comfortable.”

  “I’m sure it wasn’t. We gave him a light sedative because he was stressed and fighting us, and then I got to work.”

  What a lousy thing to do, neglecting a pet to that point. “I’m not an animal lover the way you are,” he began. “I like them well enough and all, though, and nobody who’s unwilling to take care of a pet has any business with one.”

  “I agree. There are even organizations that will help people care for their pet if doing so is becoming physically difficult.”

  “I did not know that. So this cat must’ve been happy when he woke up mat-free.”

  “He started washing his stomach right away, something he wouldn’t have been able to do properly for some time.”

  It was fortunate for Philadelphia’s animals that people like Matt cared so much. While Collin put his energies towards helping people, he appreciated altruism of all kinds. It gave him hope for humanity.

  “There’s something you should probably know about me,” said Matt, hesitant and tense again. “I’m not good at dating. Or socializing in general, really. My childhood was very isolated and I’m still trying to catch up.”

  It was vitally important not to overreact here. “Okay,” Collin replied in his best casual tone. Though he was quite curious about this isolated upbringing, he wasn’t going to push the subject. Matt was already skittish enough. “You’re welcome to ask if I’m confusing you.”

  “So… you’re alright with me being socially awkward?” The tone suggested that at least one person before had not been alright with it.

  Collin wished he had more time to decide on the best answer, but delaying wouldn’t help calm Matt down so he settled for, “Doesn’t bother me. I enjoy spending time with you.”

  To his relief it was a perfectly good answer. Matt smiled shyly. “Same here.”

  He reached for Matt’s hand. “This okay?”

  “Yes.”

  “I didn’t ask how out you are.” Which he really ought to have done before grabbing the guy’s hand in public, but he’d been so caught up in wanting to offer reassurance that it escaped him.

  “Enough. It’s not something I go around announcing, but I’m not hiding either. It just is. You work at an LGBT center so I’m guessing you’re pretty well out.”

  “I’ve been out since I was fifteen.”

  “And your parents were okay with it?”

&nbs
p; “They were.” They hadn’t been remotely surprised when Collin had mustered up the nerve to tell them he was gay, either. “They still are.”

  Very quietly Matt said, “My parents disowned me.”

  Collin heard stories like that entirely too often and it made him angry every single time. “That sucks,” he replied, the words entirely inadequate. Sure, he had some family members who were less than thrilled, particularly his maternal grandparents who to this day remained somewhat distant. His parents and his brother had always supported him, and most other members of his extended family had come around. He couldn’t imagine how much more difficult Matt’s path had been.

  “It does,” agreed Matt. After a moment he changed the subject. “What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?”

  It was an obvious move away from his painful family situation. Smooth segues weren’t Matt’s forte. No matter. “Overall, strawberry. There’s a place where I grew up with awesome peanut butter, though. You?”

  “It’s a tie between butter pecan and black raspberry.”

  Collin’s mind wasn’t entirely on ice cream flavors, though he managed to reply, “Also solid choices.” In his head, though, he was considering the unusual surge of protectiveness he felt, the desire to show the beautiful man beside him everything good and wonderful about life. For a third date he’d surprised himself with the intensity of his reaction to Matt’s hurt. More evidence, he supposed, that the guy was pretty darn special.

  Chapter Five

  “You’re awfully quiet tonight, Matt,” said Jeff, the book club’s leader. “Everything okay?”

  Six people were all looking at him now, waiting to hear about his life. This still unnerved Matt, though not nearly as much as it used to. Besides, over the past few months he’d grown to like the members of his book club, so he was more comfortable with them than the general public. They knew him, social inadequacies and all, and seemed to like him anyway.

  “Yes. Everything’s great, actually. I had a couple dates this weekend.” Unlike some guys Matt had briefly dated, Collin didn’t seem to find him too much work or too awkward, and they had fun together.

  “Two dates in one weekend? With the same person?” Lou sounded envious. It didn’t help that in the presence of women, Lou’s social skills evaporated to the point where Matt looked positively suave in comparison, which was a dire situation indeed.

  While Matt nodded Alicia told Lou, “That’s a lot more likely to happen if you get off your fanboy message boards, you know.”

  “They’re much less intimidating,” countered Lou. He was able to relax around Alicia because she was his cousin. In other respects he was a walking stereotype of the geeky IT guy easily flustered by women, right down to his extensive collection of science fiction t-shirts.

  The other woman around whom Lou managed to keep his composure, more or less, was Elspeth. She was probably less daunting because it was obvious that she and Jeff were ridiculously in love, not to mention the engagement ring she wore meant she was off the market. Now she prompted, “So, Matt, tell us more.”

  “Yeah,” said Evan. “What’s her name?”

  Matt hadn’t come out to his book club yet because, honestly, since he’d joined the group there had been no reason to. Now it was different, and he was supposed to be living authentically, so he took a deep breath and said, “Collin. Um. His name is Collin.”

  He’d thought about how this revelation might go over and had a long list of potential reactions both positive and negative. None of them came to pass. Instead Terry, the final member of their group, held out a palm in front of Evan and declared, “You owe me ten bucks.”

  Evan stalled. “That depends. Are you only into guys, Matt, or girls too?”

  “Just guys,” he answered cautiously. “Why?”

  Terry explained, “I win if you’re gay, he wins if you’re straight, and neither of us wins if you’re bi. Ten dollars, please, Evan.”

  While Evan reached for his wallet, Matt sputtered, “You bet on my sexuality? Is that normal?”

  Alicia shook her head. “Only for those two weirdos. So, how’d you meet this guy?”

  “He moved into the apartment next to mine.” Just thinking about Collin brought a smile to Matt’s face.

  “I wish a cute and single girl would move in next to me,” said Terry. “Hey, this is only nine dollars.”

  “That’s all the cash I have right now,” replied Evan.

  “I’ll expect my dollar next week. With interest.”

  “You don’t get interest, idiot.”

  Matt allowed himself to breathe easily. It was hard to relax about telling people he was gay when his first experience had gone so badly. On the other hand, no coming out could possibly be more horrific than what happened with his parents, so he’d gotten the worst over with already. Besides, coming out to his parents had been involuntary and this time it was his choice.

  His book club friends didn’t mind. Well, Evan was slightly put out, but that seemed to center around losing the bet and not any real aversion to Matt being gay. “I got a new neighbor a few weeks ago,” he said, putting away his empty wallet. “She’s sixty if she’s a day and a chain smoker. You get someone worth dating. Some people have all the luck.”

  Matt wasn’t sure you could say he had all the luck when his entire family had disowned him, but he wasn’t inclined to delve into the subject.

  “When are you going to see him again?” asked Elspeth.

  “Tomorrow night.” He’d accepted Collin’s invitation to a lecture in the LGBT center’s Queer History series. He figured it wouldn’t be bad to learn about the history of a community he was finally claiming as his own, and in any event he was happy to spend time with Collin without waiting for the weekend to roll around again.

  “Good for you,” said Jeff.

  Alicia asked, “Not even waiting until the weekend? You guys are really into each other, then.”

  Not entirely sure how to respond, Matt settled for, “Well, so far, so good.”

  “Yeah, that’s great and all, but are we actually going to talk about the book?” Lou asked. “Because no offense to Matt and his love life, but I want to talk about how the same animal is a horse in the regular world and a pegasus in the magical realm.”

  “You’re just jealous because Matt has a love life,” countered Alicia.

  That could very well be the case. Matt, however, was more than ready to move on and not be the topic of conversation any longer, so he encouraged this return to their reading material. “Lou brings up a valid point, actually. What happens to the wings when the horses are in the regular world?”

  All things considered, life was pretty good.

  Holding hands was a lot more fun once you stopped worrying about doing it right.

  When Collin first reached out as they walked home from Ted’s Place, Matt grew concerned over finger placement and the proper amount of pressure. How tightly was he supposed to hold a guy’s hand, anyway? There should be a guidebook for this kind of thing.

  Collin eyed their hands. “Is this okay?”

  “More than okay. It’s just that I have a tendency to overthink, well, pretty much everything.” Like now, when he questioned the wisdom of sharing the habit.

  The remark got him a quizzical look. “Overthink?”

  He attempted to downplay the confession with a preemptive shrug. “You know, did I put my fingers in the right place? Am I holding too firmly? What happens if I get an itch? That sort of thing.”

  “If you get an itch, you scratch it with your other hand when you can reach, and when you can’t, then you just take a second to deal with it and grab my hand again.”

  Matt filed this information for future reference.

  “And, for the record, you’re welcome to go for this any time.” Collin held up their joined hands. “I’m a tactile guy.”

  Matt had noticed. He liked this, because Collin’s touches sent thrills of excitement all through him. He hastened to make himse
lf clear. “It’s not that I don’t like it. Not at all.”

  “Good,” said Collin. He had a really gorgeous smile. And it was funny how enchanting the one crooked tooth could be, because it was so uniquely Collin.

  They only stopped holding hands when it was time to climb the narrow staircase in their building. Matt appreciated the view as he walked behind Collin, whose jeans were tight enough to tantalize.

  This got Matt in the mood for more than a brief peck goodnight. He wasn’t sure how, exactly, one signaled to a man that a more intense kiss was welcome. Past experience had involved him simply waiting for the other guy to start. Maybe opening his lips a bit and putting a hand around Collin’s neck? It was worth a shot.

  Oh, yes. That was very effective at turning events more interactive. Collin pulled him in so their whole torsos touched, contact which did not go unnoticed down south. His penis, which had grown resigned to solo action, wasted no time in perking up.

  Collin’s chest was solid and muscular, a classic swimmer’s physique. It probably looked amazing without any pesky shirt in the way. Matt hoped to find out from firsthand experience sooner rather than later, a sentiment his groin heartily seconded.

  Everything else faded away so it was just their bodies pressed together, the heat of Collin’s arm around his lower back a counterpoint to the warmth of his mouth. Matt finally stopped overthinking and lost himself in the way Collin gently sucked on his lower lip before coming back for increasingly open-mouthed kisses.

  It all felt so right, and that wasn’t only Matt’s lower head talking.

  A childish shriek interrupted. The third resident of their floor was clearly babysitting her niece again, and the thought of anyone walking out and observing this private moment caused Matt to pull back.

  Collin’s pupils were wide and his face had grown a bit flushed. Matt was rather proud of having this effect on him.

  “See you soon?” asked Collin. “This weekend?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Great. Looking forward to it.”

  Collin gave him another stunning smile before he closed his apartment door. Matt reluctantly went into his own place with a stomach full of excited butterflies.